Our Heart Beats Together.
What Would LOVE say…
Last month I wrote to you all about LOVE- I wrote of how the women I worked with in the Congo released within me a deep remembrance of what it is to truly heal from trauma. As I have been sitting with my own realization that love is truly the only way to create safety and security within ourselves I have been meditating on what happens when I bring my open heart to my life, my relationships and my work. What difference does it make when i am deeply seated in my own heart as I approach the world?
I know that in all the therapeutic, healing or awakening work that I am privileged to facilitate, the essence of the work is the coherency: the tone, or the feeling that is set in my own body, in the room, in the space between me and the other. In my experience it is this coherency that is most deeply healing. When we create a coherent space inside ourselves we invite an experience of one-ness.
So what do I mean when I say coherency?
Being coherent- in physics means “A property holding for two or more waves or fields when each individual wave or field is in phase with every other one”- or put more simply “having the same wavelength”- We see this reflected in our language when we speak of being on the “same wave length as another person” usually when we say this we are feeling like we are in sync, in the flow-or harmonizing.
In psychological terms the the state of coherency is “being as you are – from the inside out.” It is when our inner being and outer words and actions are coherent we are in the flow. In energetic terms we simply know when we are in the groove- we know the difference between a good and bad hair day!!
So simply put coherency is about the harmony of the inner and outer worlds converging and being felt in our deepest being as truth as a “yes that is it”. When we are in a resonant and coherent space inside we feel relaxed, open, loving, we feel in the FLOW. Coherency is a felt sense of harmony- beauty- flow- expansion- possibility.
Most of us have if course many wounds in the area of coherency- We sometimes feel in the flow- sometimes not. We are in state of “hit or miss”. I see this is because it is our nature to flow in and out of harmonic coherency. We are constantly going in and out of balance. For many of us this break in the coherent “field” is experienced as damaging because those around us refuse to admit the wobble, or the imbalance, and instead tried to “pretend” from the outside that everything is ok. This sets up an incoherency in the relationship where we “know” on a deeper level that what we are “sensing” is not the whole picture, and yet we are told by the other that there is “nothing” amiss.
At this point in my work it seems to me that the very depth of the magic in creating healing moments and openings is to do with building coherency- in my ,between myself and others and in the other. We are tuning forks we regulate and sensitively calibrate to one another- notice if I breathe then you will breathe- (most obviously seen when I yawn and you are compelled to do so as well).
- When I take three deep breaths and slow down you will start to do so- as well- my para-sympathetic system will engage, my heart will slow down, and start to beat more rhythmically.
- When I stroke my dog and you simply see me doing this your energetic being will start to respond to the ‘felt sense’ of petting a dog and your heart and pulse will start to synchronize. I often have my dog in my office when I sit with people and he has a delightful habit of softly snoring at deeply meaningful moments- what happens is that he interjects a felt sense of “everything is ok- I am fully relaxed and safe”- as he does this see those sitting with me visibly breathe – relax and become softer- more open and often times they will shift to a more loving space- Bodhi is a natural harmonizer as are most animals.
I also see this at work dramatically with the women I work with who are in recovery from trauma and addiction. Often times when we are in group together, with their their babies. The babies are so sensitive to fluctuations in the harmony that if someone becomes anxious or triggered the baby will respond become agitated, upset, wiggly. I simply have everyone notice that the coherency, or the flow has been disrupted… It gives us with the perfect opportunity to re-regulate. Usually we all get up and begin to rock the baby collectively – as we do this baby settles and so do we- the harmony returns and there is once again a sense of a return to peace. This has been one of the most amazing bio-feedback learning methods I have found for women who are re-training their traumatized bodies to be able to return to the base line of trust, surrender and pleasure.
Creating coherency offers moments of healing- coherency turns a normal moment into a sacred moment- it opens the portal to our shared one-ness.
6 Ways to Increase Coherency- Or simply get your Groove on!
1. Take three deep breaths in and out-
2. Now take three more deep breaths this time focus on the out breath – exhale slowly and as you do imagine that you are letting air softly out of your body.
3. Put your hand on your heart and now think of someone that you truly love ( a kid is useful – or a pet!) truly evoke their image in your minds eye- feel them- now breath them into your heart.
4. Now breathe this around your body- allow your belly to soften
5. Again see in your minds eye a beautiful place – somewhere you have felt truly relaxed and loved- see the landscape feel it- touch it, taste it…
6. Now in your physical space bring in something that truly makes you feel a sense of “ahhhh” this could be flowers, a plant, some music, a painting- something that is real soul food for you.
Have a beautiful harmonic day!
This is what love woulod say
